Saturday, October 11, 2014

The life of today

It's October. Y'all. I've been a mother for nine months. Even though my little daughter was only handed to me yesterday for the first time, eyes wide with embarrassment over her mother's she is sitting up, days from mastering the dreaded crawl and giving anyone who will look at her a little chin-stick-out-wrinkle-nosed grin.

Dear time, please stop. I know it's cliche, but my heart hurts as I hear over and over again that it only gets faster. That tomorrow she will be potty-trained and bicycle riding, Sunday she will be reading Jane Eyre, and by Monday she will be married. That those little dimpled arms will slim, those smiling gums will sprout teeth, and her fat feet will become calloused. I put away clean little onesies today and realized with horror that half of her closet no longer fits her. I don't want to replace the small things with larger things. I put away the little baby tub because the sink can no longer contain her splashes. And I could go on and on.
I've realized that if I'm not careful, my unrealistic wish for yesterday to pause will cause me to miss that today is playing. That God has showered me with grace in the form of this little human being TODAY. I've followed the advice of a friend almost to a fault. "Don't push for the next milestone. She'll roll over. I promise. One day she will master that sippy cup. Whether she's 7 months, or 14 months, Lord willing, she will walk. Love where she is at TODAY." But I'm enjoying today so much I'm almost not enjoying tomorrow. I'm almost robbing myself of the wonder life and how human beings were created to develop like this! We think a caterpillar emerging from its cocoon is amazing? Watching a baby learn how to live is mind-blowing! God made us that way. And He has granted Jim and I the opportunity to see it unfold. Each new phase shouts glory to Him. What a wonder to be allowed front seats.

So yes, the baby stage will probably be my favorite. But I am praying that I will not dread the next stage because it means an end to the current one. Because God gave me yesterday, is giving me today and has made tomorrow... and He created me to live today. And when I want yesterday back or wish to know what tomorrow holds I am falling into the sin that so long ago entrapped Eve: wanting to be like God. I want to enjoy the delight of the past again and again because surely nothing could be better. I want to know that the future is safe and healthy because anything else couldn't be for my good. When I believe that deception I am pulling away from the trusting, child-like faith God desires of me. I cannot control what happened, happens, or will happen. I can control my response. And I am trying trying trying to respond with thankfulness. And I am thankful! I am! Every day! But it's called sanctification y'all. And it means that every single day I am to be striving to improve what I learned yesterday. That I will never "master" anything. Am I alive? Then apparently God isn't done with me yet.

And so... today, if she crawls, I will try very hard not to cry, but take great delight in it. And today, if a tooth pops up, we will probably both cry out of frustration, but I will be glad that they are coming up. Because it means she is growing in God's image. Just like she was created to do.


Ted said...

Much wisdom here daughter. Be assured - we loved our time with little babies, with toddlers, with munchkins.....even the teen years brought joys as our children grew and matured. And now - our children continue to bring us great joy as they live life with wisdom, in the fear of God. And now we get to see the baby stage all over again. God is so good.