Tuesday, February 25, 2014

The questions of sleep

I feel like so much of my life right now is questioning every decision I attempt to make.

SHOULD I put her to bed now? Is it too early? Should I wake her up and try to stick to a normal waking morning hour? Or (yes PLEASE!!) just let her sleep and enjoy it? Am I scheduling her sleep during the day correctly? If she WON'T cluster feed before bedtime, should I just give it up? Is white noise during naps a bad decision? Am I a terrible mother for not changing her 40 lb wet diaper in the middle of the night since she's sleeping?

Actually, I feel like so much of my life right now involves questioning sleep (or the lack thereof) decisions.

Sleep. Unbroken, unadulterated sleep. It's like this heavenly, yet foggy memory of the past. I won't lie, the little booger is a terrific sleeper compared to many many horrifying stories I've heard. But by terrific sleeper I mean her nights have become this: 5-6 hour stretch, then a 3 hour stretch, then a 2 hour stretch. In between each stretch is a "please stay awake long enough to really fill that little belly, oh my word, now you're done eating and WIDE awake please go back to sleep and please please please don't poop because then I HAVE to change your diaper and then you'll really be wide awake" struggle. Sometimes I look at my husband, eyes closed, blissfully unaware of the happenings around him and my jealously runneth over. Don't think he doesn't help. I TOLD him that because he has to get up and go to work and that, if able, I will be taking naps, that I would handle the night goings on. And I meant it. I mean it still. But the other night, at 2:30, when Naomi was all OH MY WORD THAT WAS THE BEST MILK EVER I FEEL LIKE I COULD POOP A MARATHON AND THEN DO TEN WHOLE MINUTES OF TUMMY TIME... I could have sat on his sleeping head.

And we have no idea what happened to our evenings of "just" doing anything. Read? Sure! Movie? Okay! Game? Absolutely! 
Now a 1.5 hour movie becomes a three-hour endeavor. Naomi takes one look at us starting to settle on the couch and she's like, "No way, dudes! No FREAKING WAY!" 
I looked at the clock the other night and it was 7:30. "Oh my word! It's gotten late! I haven't even started her bedtime routine!" Late? What kind of old farts have we become? And why do I feel so guilty about a bedtime routine? And sleep schedules? I know that when they really work they are amazing, but did my parents and grandparents jump through these hoops of scheduling and routines?

To quote Jerry Seinfeld: The bedtime routine for my kids is like this royal coronation jubilee centennial of rinsing and plaque and dental appliances and the stuffed animal semi-circle of emotional support and I gotta read eight different moron books. You know what my bedtime story was as a kid? Darkness! My parents would yell, "Go to bed!"

And that's what I'm beginning to realize. Chill out. She will sleep. She will eat. And she's probably going to get sick one of these days. But guess what? She's gaining weight. She's cooing and smiling and soiling at least 6-8 diapers a day... so everything's looking okay. God's got this. I'm just so glad He's giving me a chance to enjoy the ride.

And nap time just officially ended. I think her pupils are dilated. Good gravy, she's adorable.


Dennis said...

You vented...you asked questions..you answered questions..you trust HIM. Good.
Besides who gets 5 hours sleep anyway?

Ted said...

Did your parents and grand parents make it this complicated? Guess not, I don't even know what cluster-feeding is....