Thursday, May 13, 2010

He is still good, even though I am scared

Dear friends,

I am trying to recruit a prayer army. My mother needs it.

For those of you who didn't know, Mom was diagnosed with non-Hodgkins lymphoma 18 years ago. After only a couple of chemo treatments, she found out she was pregnant. The doctors said chemo and pregnancy could not occur at the same time so she started the much milder treatment. The cancer disappeared. And Asa was born in July 1992, perfectly normal.... although sometimes I wonder if a chemo treatment did make it to his brain.

In March, we learned that it was back. My mom had a 4 cm tumor pressing against her gallbladder and her lymph nodes were swollen many times beyond their normal size. The doctors started her on a mild, no side effects treatment, hoping that it would work. Her back pain disappeared and we were very hopeful.

Her catscan was yesterday. Her lymph nodes have gone back to normal size, praise the Lord. The tumor, however, has gone from 4 cm to 7cm. The doctor voiced the fear that it might be large-cell, which means aggressive and fast growing. A needle biopsy is scheduled for Monday (Why Monday? Why use words like aggressive and fast growing then delay the test for four days?), with results by Tuesday. If it is what they think it is, chemo will be started. It will probably last for six months. Which means my mother could very well be sick all summer long. And lose her hair. Which is probably one of the most humbling aspects of cancer, especially for girls.

Please pray. Pray not only for healing, but for quiet hearts on our part. That we will draw our strength from God and not from those around us. That we will point to Him with our words and actions.

And after those holy words, I'll confess my selfishness. Pray for me, that I will accept whatever this will change regarding wedding plans. I have been trying not to obsess over what I want... but with the possibility of major changes looming, I find myself clutching onto my desires. It's so stupid.

Thank you so much for the notes and prayers you have already sent our way. They are encouraging to her. And though God already knows how this will play out, we have to pray, see, because He commanded us to. So get on it.

P.S. And don't tell me you've been praying when you haven't.
P.P.S. I love y'all.

5 comments:

Katie said...

Dearest Amy, I have been praying for your whole family, and especially your mom, but you also have been in my thoughts and prayers so often with regard to wedding plans.

I love you.

elliebird said...

amy dearling.
i almost didn't comment.
i never know what to say in these situations.
but i do want you to know that we are and have been praying for y'all.
i love y'all all very much, and if there's anything that we can do in regards to your wedding...or anything else for that matter, please please, let us know.

Hannah said...

Amy, I really have been praying for all of you. Praying that you'll trust in God and be a comfort to your mom. Love yu.

愛麗斯符 said...

Hope your mom get well soon

Katie said...

My dear girl,
Though I do not know you, I do know something of your situation and my heart and my head and my soul all bid you, look unto Jesus, for He is able...do not doubt. He will give just what you need, what your dear mother needs, and your blest father, too, and all the rest who walk by faith in this time of real testing. May you shine forth as gold, being found faithful. I will pray. and hope.
for I am...a prisoner of hope,
Kathy Strevel (Katie's mom)