Tuesday, November 24, 2009

would you like some cheese with that whine?

I just read this online. This woman sounds like a real walk in the park. I hope the family enjoys their last Christmas without her being officially a part of it.

Dear Prudence,
Every year my fiance's family takes a portrait together and mails it out as their holiday card. His parents included their new son-in-law when their daughter got married. This is the first holiday since my fiance and I got engaged, and they have already commented on needing a bigger lens to fit everyone in this year. However, I have no interest in being in their picture this year or any year. They sign the card "The Smiths," but I have no plans to change my name and don't feel this last name would be mine. I plan to decline to be in the photo since I have always looked forward to having my own family and sending our own pictures to family and friends. How can I gently say to my husband's family, "Time to cut the umbilical cord" and let your children start their own holiday family traditions? The thought of the upcoming family photo is making me sick and filling me with anger.
—Won't Say "Cheese"

Dear Won't,
It used to be said that when certain hunter-gatherer tribes were first exposed to photography, they believed that if a picture was taken of them, it would steal their soul. You're probably aware, however, that a photograph of you with your future in-laws will not forever capture your image and make it impossible for you to send a photograph of yourself for your own holiday card. Speaking of which, your fiance's family is going to conclude that you're quite the card when you tell them you're not going to be in their picture, you will never consider yourself to be part of the "Smith" family, and that you believe your future mother- and father-in-law are infantilizing their grown children. Everyone will be filled with seasonal joy that you'll be around for the holidays for the rest of their lives. There are two approaches you could take here. One would be to vent the rage you are feeling over your fiance's family wanting to include you in their tradition. That might solve everyone's long-term problem by making you a short-timer. (However, if your fiance hasn't figured out by now that you have some issues, he must have issues of his own.) Or you could spend some time figuring out why a gracious and inclusive gesture from your in-laws-to-be makes you act like a petulant baby and work on growing up yourself.

I wonder.... when the "Dear Abbys" write back this harshly, do the complainers actually listen?


Max-Frederick said...

Wow. That Prudence is one tough talker, but someone needed to let the crazy lady know..good job..

beatrice said...

whoa. as i was reading that i wanted to punch crazy lady in the face... but then i read the response and... thats some serious verbal punching. so. i don't need to. her face probably hurts enough now.

Nancy said...

I was just clicking on "next blog" and chanced upon yours and skimmed through a little because your posts are cute and sweet (and not overly long -- which I admit mine often are), but I had to laugh and comment here because I never read dear prudence, but for some reason I read this very one when it came out and all I could do was sadly shake my head and think, "Really? Are there women this selfish? Women who wouldn't want to be a part of their husband's family -- if nothing more than to make him happy??" Then I thought, "Please oh please let my sons find selfless sweet loving girls!! Pleasse!!!"