Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Camp learnage

Late, I know.

1) Being immune is not a sufficient zombie plan
2) Girls should be allowed to plan the food list. Guys tend to forget things like salt, butter, and flour.
3) However they do bring blow torches and Glocks.
4) Oreos are good in oatmeal. I'm dead serious.
5) It is uncool to bring your electric guitar and ask everybody who walks by to jam with you
6) I am a snob when it comes to people at public access lakes.
7) Julie didn't know what marijuana smells like. Now she does.
8) Do NOT bring your small, ratty, yippy dogs into the bathroom with you. Or worse, into the stall with you.
9) Charbroiled foods cause prostate cancer. Which means I CAN eat them. Sorry, boys.
10) Babies hiking their sagging, bloated diapers up after swimming makes me laugh
11) "Go big or go home?" You moron. The water is five feet deep. You are standing a good 12 feet above it. If you're going to go big and go home DEAD, just let us leave first.
12) A stopped up drain in a camping shower = bath in about five minutes
13) The "hiking trails" are very short. Like, the map says it's a nice "two-minute" walk to the look-out point. I don't know.... I just don't think I have enough energy for that.
14) Nate doesn't keep duct tape in his truck.
15) Stupid rotted-out firetower steps
16) Family reunions: You walk beside an empty parking lot to the bathroom. You come out of the bathroom to a full parking lot, barbeque being cooked, and footballs and frisbees going everywhere
17) Jim, the common temperature pattern is this: Increase during the day, decrease at night.


Katie said...

I can so totally see 2&3 being true. Boys just amaze me sometimes with their selective memory skills.

Elyow'eynay said...

Of COURSE being immune is sufficient enough. Are you crazy? Just because you can't be turned into a zombie doesn't mean they can't still bite you! Come on Amy, you have 3 brothers. You should have already known better. And as far as salt, I don't know if guys would forget that since it is a very good cleaner of a wound (i.e. in case of Zombie apocolypse) And as for butter and flour, what on earth in a zombie apocolypse would you do with them? Bake a cake for them?
For shame Amy...I thought you would know better. You need to get the Zombie Survival Guide

Amy said...

did you mean ISN'T?
And excuse the heck out of me! You're only proving my theory further... males have a strange fascination with zombies and "zombie plans" that I am only now catching on to. I mean, I've been experimenting. I'll say something involving the walking dead, and boom! Guys started talking about what they would do if the zombies attacked.

Y'all are so weird.

on to june said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
on to june said...

When the zombie apocalypse hits, you'll be glad you have so many guy friends. And you can borrow my copy of The Zombie Survival Guide. Also, it is better to be in a situation where you wish you had butter and salt than to be in a situation where you wish you had a Glock and a blowtorch. Men do a better job of getting the essentials right. We prioritize.

Owl of the Desert said...

# 12 = Ewww...makes me think of college dorm showers for some reason.

And, if there is a zombie attack, I'm so totally over at your house.

Saura Lnow said...

Note to self: In the case of a zombie apocalypse call Amy.

Jim said...

1)I was surprised the word "jam" only appeared in #5... no one else passes up a chance to crack on that!
2)It is 83 feels like 89 degrees right now at NIGHT thank you very much. I didn't remember Alabama ever following the 'decrease in temperature' rules too well... :-P
3)The blowtorch and the Glock are both integral parts of the zombie plan... salt, butter, and flour are not.

what a day to be alive said...

i love zombie movies. i can't help it. i don't know why. i'm not even a boy. i've tried to figure it out. i even had a dream about zombies once recently. i thought they were trying to chase me, but i figured out that all they wanted me to do was knock their teeth out. so i did, then told them to go grab a bat out of the garage and do it themselves.

Nate said...

#14 has long since been remedied, especially as duct tape is a very versatile addition to any zombie plan. For example, you can duct tape the blowtorch to your electric guitar and simultaneously torch zombies and provide the appropriate background music.

Amy said...

good night nurse. i rest my case.

and yes, ladies... to my house if we are ever overrun by the living dead. Because i know plenty of zombie warriors.