Saturday, March 28, 2009

tears and peace

I want to burn this Med-Surg. book. I despise red pens and yellow highlighters. Free evenings with my family are never. I am weary of doing what I should do instead of what I want to do. Wondering why I decided to go to this school, worried now that I won't make it. Questioning where my future husband is. Wanting to leave home, yet aching to stay. Sick of fighting a thorn in my side. Knowing I am in this pickle because I was a fool who refused to listen. Trying to love, yet failing regularly. Desiring someone else's lifestyle, unsatisfied with my own. Locked into books and papers and deadlines and grades when every shade of green is bursting from the ground and the sky gets bluer (it's a word now) by the day.

And today I heard this:
"Either God is not faithful.... or this is HIS plan."

You choose. Because I already have.

5 comments:

Elyow'eynay said...

Well I hope you chose the latter instead of the former. Which I know you did. I know where you are at, I feel ya completely. But I do promise you it WILL get better. On every point. School will be done and you will be out making your own way, which usually leads to you moving out on your own, and then you are usually ready to get a husband at that time and you will then find the man that God has prepared for you.
So the short of the long is to say, once more into the breach old friend. Soon you will be looking back five years out, potentially married, and saying "Man, can you believe it's been 5 years since I graduated."
And no matter how long it takes for all these things to come about, the best in God is worth waiting for.
So if it came down to a mediocre husband now, or the perfect husband that God has for you (i know that's a pun in and of itself..."perfect" husband) then the latter husband would be worth waiting for....if I was looking for a husband

Don't worry Amy. It'll be alright.

Dennis said...

Thanks Mr. Elyow'eynay for such consolation!!!!!!!!!!! Excellent.
You know that even old men experience 'spring fever'. I've had it about 40+ times. BUT it was much worse in school. Amy I'm sorry about the behavior of all involved after church!!! I had no idea that 'this' is where you were emotionally..Nevertheless, to encourage you the two older participants in the 'engagement' (military term) managed to communicate and move on...Grace!! Absolute Grace!!
Love you.

Elyow'eynay said...

Another tid bit from a song I have become attached to.

Even when the rains fall
Even when the floods start risin'
Even when the storm comes
I am washed by the water.
*(NeedToBreathe)

Good stuff.

Amy said...

I heard that song live! And thank you for the encouragement.

And Dad... I was the rock that started the waves last night. Thank you for understanding.

on to june said...

You should sell the book for cash instead of burning it. That's wisdom.
Sincerely,
a fellow pyromaniac