Saturday, January 24, 2009

and FAIL

Got a minute? Because I am so glad these people had cameras with or on them.

1) Mom always knows what to do

2) Just jump in. That's the only way you can correct this

3) I hope you have a better day

4) erk... you're squeezing too tight, kid

5) Crawling shows humility

6) That's where it used to be

7) Thank your mom for a diaper-rash-free bottom

8) Airbags save lives

9) Just don't drive, okay?

10) Extreme flash flooding

11) Step lively!

Friday, January 23, 2009

To my car singing buddy

Erin this is for you. Not because I feel obligated.... but because I want to. And because a comment from you on the phone made my day.

me- "Hey, Erin, I was wondering if I could have that recipe for RCC?"
Erin - "Sure!"
me - "Hooray! Are you sure? I mean, I know it's a (convert to Amrin* voice) very very precious recipe to your family? You sure that I can have it?"
Erin - "Well, girl, (picking up the Amrin* cue like a well-trained actress), it is very very precious to me but you are very very precious to me as well, so it is mighty fine with me if you take it."

Sigh. Thanks friend. I love you.

* The Amrin voice is an accent in which Erin and Amy are fluent. We speak it around other people, but always always around each other. I cannot explain it any better than that. I'll perform if for you if you ask me.

Monday, January 19, 2009

He knows the plans He has for us

So, Mr. Obama. Are you scared? I would be scared. Did you see the cracks in the dam when you decided to run for this position?

You couldn't pay me enough to stand where you're going to be standing tomorrow. But I do know this: God put you there. So whatever you decide, whatever happens to this "great" nation, has already been planned and documented by Him. And knowing that: I have been, I am, and I will be praying for you, because apparently, you are what we need right now.

Friday, January 16, 2009

You look smashing in that broccoli and chicken

Oh yeah.

Sunday night, Emily came up to go to church with us. She sat next to me. Three things were said:

1) While talking about donations to a family who had lost their home to a fire:
One lady - "The woman wears a size 18."
Tiny elderly woman behind us - "Wow."
Emily coughed and I bit my lip.

2) Pastor - "What can we get for the man to wear? ...... Maybe a casserole?"
Ah. We were now giggling.

3) Man - "Oh, I have a praise report. My friend got hit in the eye with a branch..."
In all honesty, he continued his report, but he paused too long after "branch."
All three of these things were said within about 1.5 minutes. I glanced at Emily, eyes twinkling through my laughter tears and she had pulled her sweater up over the lower half of her face. It's so fun to laugh when you can't do it out loud.

Blue coldness

This morning, while I was in lab, my brother sent me two messages. He was working at a construction site. The bathrooms are port-a-potties. Or port-a-johns. Or whatever else you want to call those disgusting, blue closets. He was cleaning up the site alone and it was maybe 20 degrees.
1st message:
"Auuuuggghhh! (this was incredibly high-ptiched) Why did I have to use the bathroom, now? Dude! The water's frozen! (Cue Southern hick accent) I'm out here on thah john. It's thah only place to get service. My pee ain't even meltin' thah ice! It's COLD out here. I'm gonna have to go stick my white little fanny up against a farr when I git done. It's cold. Real cold. And lonely. So lonely. I'm so lonely. (Normal voice) Well! I hope you're having a good day. Bye."

2nd message:
"Amy! Go spit on something. Outside. (I guess he was afraid I would start spitting all over my lab equipment) Give it 5 seconds and it freezes. If it doesn't... you spit on the wrong thing."

I was laughing out loud in my car. I called him and he said the first message was right after he sat down. Which is why he screamed. The second message was after a second trip to the bathroom. Suddenly curious, he spit on it (I'm telling you, use these things only if your bladder is about to explode; because they are crawling with germs from EVERY human entry hole) and stood amazed as it froze.

Monday, January 12, 2009

If I were you, I would stay 25 feet back

A Cabela's catalog came today. It basically goes like this: ammunition, ammunition, bullets, ammunition, crossbow, revolvers, holsters, ammunition and bullets, machetes, javolins, targets, and bullets. I flipped through it and started thinking, "Why am I looking at this?" And then.... I found this. It's got a water magazine to practice with, and... get this... a trigger-activated LED. In case, you know, your attacker is standing perfectly still and you have time to take careful aim. I would totally get the pink one just so the thug would laugh at me before clutching his eye sockets.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Moonlight crunching under my feet

Well, before my posts become a monologue on the wretchedness of this semester, I thought I would let you know that I had a good break. It was nearly a whole month and I didn't work at all. I mean, I cleaned, and folded clothes, and baked, and set table after table after table, and performed pianist duties, and opened presents, went shopping, watched movies, and many much good food.
Personal highlights:

1) Haircut: This is my treat to myself after finishing a semester. It's a tradition. I know you should cut your hair every 6-8 weeks, but 16 never hurt me. I love people messing with my hair. And this girl totally knew what she was doing. It took her f-o-r-e-v-e-r. Oh yeah.

2) Reading Chronicles of Narnia (you knew I would work them in here somewhere!)

3) Nertz. You know, when you play with more than 8 people, it would be sooo easy to cheat. Not that I would EVER do that.

4) Bathing my little cousin. It has been so long since I've got to bathe a little one. I love it. And if you take that and taint it with any kind of perversion, you can just leave this blog and never come back.
5) My aunt and uncle looking at old baby pictures:
Aunt - "Honey?! Is that you?!"
Uncle - "That baby has a bow."

6) Learning that my uncle's brother was on USA's Olympic soccer team in 1984, but was nearly killed in a car crash and didn't get to play. Also, my uncle's uncles got in a fist fight with the Monkees after making fun of how short the lead singer was. I'm guessing he's the one with the tambourine. Calm down there, buddy.

7) While caroling with the church, Elizabeth quotes:
- "Shout out trick or treat. I dare you."
- "We're not leaving until they repent. "Just as I Am" one more time!"
- "Biii-cycle! Biii-cycle! I want to ride my bicycle!"

8) Ryan trying to get attention.

9)Balderdash, Scattergories, Apples to Apples, and Mad Gab.

10) Fishing with Dad.

11) Eliora, unimpressed with the chickens, asking where our cows and pigs were.

12) Seeing Santa Claus sitting at the bar at California Pizza Kitchen... okay, not really a highlight, but kind of funny. Rough day, Mr. Jolly?

13) Some really really thick mud.

And Ryan realizing that his truck does have its limits.

14) Moccassin boots. I know you're sick of hearing about them. But they rock my socks.

15) When I grow up I want to be paparazzi

I feel like some words should go here. But I don't have anything to say. Sorry.

I'm still drawing a blank. Just use your imagination.

The layout of this blog is rather confusing. It looked good when I typed it up, then it changed to this, with too much empty space. But I'm not really going to worry about it. I'm sorry if it bothers you.

Friday, January 2, 2009

Oh no... this doesn't make me jealous in the slightest.

For the couples who are getting married in the next year or so... oh heck, I'll just name them ALL. All sixteen of them.

1) Rachel and Robert
2) Adam and Emily
3)Candace and Justin
4) Renee and Jonathan
5) Jaime and Patrick
6) Andrew and Laura
7) Brittany and Forrest
8) Molly and Daniel
9) Lindsey and Phillip
10)Chase and Allison
11) Megan and Stuart
12) Suz and Joe
13) Heather and Michael
14) Ben and Hillery
15) Evan and Laura
16) Luke and Savannah

Good grief. Well, whatever you do... learn how to avoid the doghouse, guys. And I don't think jewelry gets you out everytime.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Crystal shards all over Times Square

Happy New Year! I'm going to bed.

And there is one spare roll of toilet paper in this house. Yikes.

P.S. What is the big deal about The Ball Drop? I mean, really? It takes a full minute to come down. I remember the first time I watched it.... I was fully expecting it to plummet to the platform and shatter into fireworks or something. How much cooler would that be?