Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Can You make it snappy, God? I'm in a hurry.

It's my own fault. I haven't been chasing after God. I haven't been looking for Him. My time with Him consists of occasionally reading His book, and giving half of my attention to self-oriented prayers. "My eyes are dry. My faith is old. My heart is hard, and my prayers are cold."

And so now.... now when I really need to know what He wants me to do... now, when I need to be curled up in His arms listening fervently to His words.... now is when I feel confused, wet, cold, and all on my own. I wish I could take all of the time I SHOULD have spent with Him in the last few years of my life and make one big smoothie out of it. Chug chug chug. Done. Thanks God. I'm glad You gave me an answer, because I sure as heck had no idea. Thank you for giving me the serenity of Your Will. But that's the problem, isn't it? I want it to be easy and to receive a revelation at the end. So, what if it's not star-studded? What if I have no idea of what I just read? Do I quit? What am I saying? That He isn't worth even a tiny bit of brain struggle?

So.... there can't be one colossal Bible filled smoothie. I've got to start down here, at the bottom, in the dirt. Picking myself up out of the mud is a daily part of the process of Christianity. For "I know how I ought to be. Alive to you and dead to me."


Dennis said...

It is a confession that I make with you!!! Granted I may not sense the confusion/tension regarding pending life changes....BUT your confession applies to my neglect of Him!!! Relationships are developed/maintained/restored when time is spent with the desired One.
Thank for being so transparent. The old text..."Tyranny of the Urgent" comes to mind. Thanks AMY.