Saturday, August 23, 2008

Yes, we know you don't know

This week started me back to UAB SON. Yee-haw howdy. Orientation week is always wonderful. And I say that with as much sarcasm as I possibly can. The schedule they set up for orientation week is never the same as the normal class schedule. Why? Why do they put themselves through the effort of coming up with another schedule that will only last one week? So, there we were, listening as they read the "Course Overview," the "Topical Outline," the "Dress Code," (!!! because after 2 semesters, they think we still need to be told to not show a bare midriff in our clinical setting???), and their office numbers. Thank you, dear teachers. You all obviously enjoyed your break because we have been given no information. At least, nothing new. Everything you just read came verbatum from the website. Meaning, we are perfectly capable of reading the freaking syllabus. So, since you don't have anything to show us, why don't you let us give you a quiz for a change. Calm down. It's only five questions. Which means if you miss more than one, you failed. Hakuna-matata.

1. Why are we, meaning the students, here?
a. Because you like making us waste our gas
b. You want us to know how unorganized you are
c. You feel more confident when the auditorium is full
d. Since tuition increased this year, you felt obligated to give us 3 days of nothing

2. Because this is an internet-based course, why don't you know how to work a computer?
a. Because the Dean never taught you how
b. Because your mom never taught you how
c. It's complicated
d. You DO know how to work a computer... but thought it would be funny to pretend like you don't

3. Why is it that what YOU are showing us online, is not there when WE log on?
a. There was an "internet crisis." Again.
b. Because you haven't put it on our page yet. And you are sorry for the inconvenience.
c. Because our dogs ate our computers.
d. Because we are morons. All 196 of us.

4. Why do you not have our clinical schedule figured out yet?
a. You feel powerful making us wait
b. You don't care that many of us have bosses who need a work schedule ASAP.
c. All eight teachers haven't figured one out
d. You are not in a position to disclose that information

5. Why doesn't the microphone work?
a. It does, you just insist on wearing loud clunky necklaces that scrape all over it.
b. It does, you just couldn't find the power switch.
c. When you were little you paced the shores with your mouth full of pebbles and talked over the waves, just like Demosthenes. Thus, you don't need a microphone. At least, you think you don't.


Dodger of Sheep said...

You, my friend, are very good at this.