Monday, August 25, 2008

They could be, Ryan. You never know

My Dad is cleaning out his desk and he found some of his journaling from 1995. He was quoting a conversation between Ryan (7) and Caleb (5).

Ryan - "I want a crewcut"
Caleb - "Is it dangerous?"
Ryan - "No!!"
Caleb - "Then I want one too."

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Yes, we know you don't know

This week started me back to UAB SON. Yee-haw howdy. Orientation week is always wonderful. And I say that with as much sarcasm as I possibly can. The schedule they set up for orientation week is never the same as the normal class schedule. Why? Why do they put themselves through the effort of coming up with another schedule that will only last one week? So, there we were, listening as they read the "Course Overview," the "Topical Outline," the "Dress Code," (!!! because after 2 semesters, they think we still need to be told to not show a bare midriff in our clinical setting???), and their office numbers. Thank you, dear teachers. You all obviously enjoyed your break because we have been given no information. At least, nothing new. Everything you just read came verbatum from the website. Meaning, we are perfectly capable of reading the freaking syllabus. So, since you don't have anything to show us, why don't you let us give you a quiz for a change. Calm down. It's only five questions. Which means if you miss more than one, you failed. Hakuna-matata.

1. Why are we, meaning the students, here?
a. Because you like making us waste our gas
b. You want us to know how unorganized you are
c. You feel more confident when the auditorium is full
d. Since tuition increased this year, you felt obligated to give us 3 days of nothing

2. Because this is an internet-based course, why don't you know how to work a computer?
a. Because the Dean never taught you how
b. Because your mom never taught you how
c. It's complicated
d. You DO know how to work a computer... but thought it would be funny to pretend like you don't

3. Why is it that what YOU are showing us online, is not there when WE log on?
a. There was an "internet crisis." Again.
b. Because you haven't put it on our page yet. And you are sorry for the inconvenience.
c. Because our dogs ate our computers.
d. Because we are morons. All 196 of us.

4. Why do you not have our clinical schedule figured out yet?
a. You feel powerful making us wait
b. You don't care that many of us have bosses who need a work schedule ASAP.
c. All eight teachers haven't figured one out
d. You are not in a position to disclose that information

5. Why doesn't the microphone work?
a. It does, you just insist on wearing loud clunky necklaces that scrape all over it.
b. It does, you just couldn't find the power switch.
c. When you were little you paced the shores with your mouth full of pebbles and talked over the waves, just like Demosthenes. Thus, you don't need a microphone. At least, you think you don't.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Oh. My. Word.

The swatch read Coconut Grove.

I call it Purple Tree Bark.

Benjamin Moore is a liar.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

My Tide-to-Go pen!

The room is done. Thanks to Mom, Aunt Ronda, Anna, and yours truly. I love it. Actually it isn't quite done done done. Tomorrow we head to the great metropolis of Birmingham to find a new covering for the loveseat, a corner shelf, stuff for our beautifully empty, green walls, picture frames, and a mirror. This excites me.
While I was in the process of lugging all of my stuff back into my closet (I have way too many purses, by the way. And shoes. Which reminds me... I just bought a pair of purple flats!) I decided to clean out said purses. Because, whenever I switch, it is a very hasty grab-stuff-and-run process. Meaning some items never get taken out of the bowels of the Fossil canvas, the Target hobo, or the cheap red leather. Did I say some items? Following is a list (because I love lists) of the hibernating purse dwellers. Yes, I was lame enough to take an inventory.

Ahem.

8 feminine products (just thought I would get the awkward one out of the way)
4 pencils
1 orange highlighter
11 pens (3 with completely chewed-up bottoms)
25 gum/peppermint wrappers
1 unopened peppermint
2 Kleenex - wrinkled, but very very clean
A bead with the letter 'N' on it (?)
A Lion King Broadway ticket from 10-06-05:Section CA, Aisle 3X, Row DD, Seat 27
6 lip products
6 orange and blue pom-pom ribbons from an Iron Bowl evening with Erin in '06
2 eyeliner pencils
2 tiny bottles of lotion
My Tide-to-Go pen
1 very bad fingernail file
This one confused me : A pair of knee high pantyhose. I have never worn knee-high panty hose in my life. Why are they in a purse that belongs to me?
1 very special letter
2 brushes
1 library book list
A bracelet and a necklace
3 working batteries (JACKPOT!)
2 hair rubberbands, one of which was broken
2 sets of directions to I have no idea where
1 teeny tiny tupperware container
7 bobby pins
2 prayer lists from church
My good pair of fingernail clippers
2 of Alisa's wedding registry lists
A fellow student's list of complains regarding Pathophysiology
1 unopened Bandaid
Disposable chopsticks (never used!)
1 headband
A receipt from a locksmith
$2.49
A child's picture drawn with blue crayon. I cannot figure out if they are astronauts, aliens, or a couple of octopus (octopuses? octopi?)
An otoscope cover
1 rubber tourniquet

It was kind of like Christmas. Kind of.




Okay. I lied. It was nothing like Christmas.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Can anyone say muscles?

Can I just say I love the Olympics? Because I do. Especially... especially!! the summer Olympics. They are incredible. These people's bodies amaze me. No, I'm not drooling. The women are just as impressive as the men. I didn't even know we had muscles there! No wonder the Greeks did it naked. But, I don't want to do it like the Greeks. Blech.
My family was all in the living room when the USA men's swim team competed in the 400 meter freestyle relay. It was great! The French had talked trash (but, hey, they're the French, what do you expect?), saying they were looking forward to "smashing" team USA. We were neck and neck the whole race. Our third man got a little behind, and our team captain had to make up lost time. With probably 25 feet left to go, Jason Lesaz caught up with the Frenchmen Bernard, and with a final surge... he touched the wall, 0.08 seconds ahead of his rival!! We were screaming in our living room! Probably the best moment of the whole 2 weeks. Ah. I love it.

And just so you know, my bedroom, after a decade of being gray, is receiving a makeover. Benjamin Moore calls it grasslands. I call it just right.
And yes, I am enjoying my break.

Sunday, August 3, 2008

Do Not Press

I really really hope you have some time on your hands. Because I am about to provide you with a website that could waste it. If you do (obviously you do, or you wouldn't be reading my blog) then have at it. But, if you don't (don't have what? Time! Remember? Stay with me here), you must use self-control. It's one of the Fruits of the Spirit. It's a good thing to have. That is why I am providing you with an opportunity to practice it.

I leave it in your hands: To click or not to click, that is the question

It's hard isn't it? Look, I'll help you. Look at the top right of your screen... see the little box with the 'x'? Click that and leave. Don't look back. And you'll survive. You'll never wonder "What was that link?" "Did I miss out on a laugh? A tear?" "Why the heck did Amy put that up there?" "Why am I letting this drive me crazy?"

Enjoy.